


Hiraeth

by ThatBohoFemme



Series: The World of Obscure Emotions [14]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Beaches, Daydreams, Dreaming about What Ifs, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Reflection, Wondering what might have been, lost in thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatBohoFemme/pseuds/ThatBohoFemme
Summary: Sometimes, Dean sits on the beach, dreaming about what might have been.He's almost homesick for a life he'll never know.





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DWWB's July Challenge: Day 14   
> _Sand_

**_Hiraeth- N- a profound yearning born from the very recesses of our soul_ **

On the nights Seth watches Vivienne, Dean usually disappears to the beach. He knows Seth assumes he goes to the coffee shop and _sometimes_ , he does. 

Usually, he ends up at the beach. 

The waves calm his battered soul, as he sits in the sand. Dean _loves_ his life. He loves his husband. He loves Vivienne. He loves Stella. He can't say he would change a thing, even the loss of Stella. 

That sounds like a cruel thing to say, but think about it. The loss of Stella led to Vivienne. If Stella lived, it's _very_ likely that Vivienne wouldn't be here. Dean cannot bring himself to imagine a world without their precious Vivi. 

That's not to say the what-ifs don't haunt him. What if he'd noticed sooner that something was going on? What if he'd gone to the hospital sooner? What if...? What if...? What if...? 

Really-Dean's mind can be haunting. 

If Stella were still here, Dean and Seth would be the parents to a toddler. She'd be going through the terrible twos. They'd be _really_ learning who she was.

Dean often wonders what it would be like. It sounds insane- he wants a life that he'll never have. Yet, it makes sense. 

They haven't been _truly_ happy since they lost Stella. Seth lives in a constant state of panic- a fact he seems unable to accept. Dean doesn't see the man he fell for anymore- a fact he finds _disheartening_. 

In some ways, he's _homesick_ for a life he'll never know. 

Stella's gone. She lives in the stars now, a cherished memory of a brief life. Seth's never going to go back to the way he was. He's never going to be unburdened by their loss. Dean's never going to get _his_ Seth back. 

What would life be like right now? If he closes his eyes and thinks _really_ hard, Dean can just imagine how it would be. 

He's an exhausted new parent, learning to balance out life with a toddler and a newborn. Stella's clingy and jealous- unsure of what's going on. Seth's doing his best to be supportive, but he's got a lot on his plate. Vivienne's still adjusting to life on the outside but she only knows love. 

After some time in his head, Dean shakes it off. He can't let himself linger in the dream. That would be too easy. That's a world that will never be. It makes him sad but he accepts it. 

What choice does he have? 

If he lingers in dream, he can never focus on the present. He's still got a baby who needs him. Seth's due back on the road in the next few days. Dean's got to be present for Vivienne. 

It's the least he can do for her. 

Now, Dean rises, knowing he has to get back home. If he's out too long, it'll worry Seth. That's the last thing he wants to do. 

A piece of driftwood catches Dean's eye. He squats to pick it up. Then, using the wood, he walks into the wet sand. Using the wood as a pencil, he writes out her name in a slightly messy, looped script. 

_Stella Jude_

Then, before the waves can wash it away, he turns to head back to the car. 

At least she can live in his mind, even if it's only as a vision that will never be. 

-fin-


End file.
